We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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