Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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