my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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