As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
