Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
