Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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