I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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