took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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