He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
