THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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