Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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