the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
