I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
