Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
