Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
