Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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