8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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