smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
