I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
