fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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