I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
