HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
