why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
