Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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