Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
