I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize