You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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