i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize