The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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