WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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