i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize