If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
