battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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