Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize