we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
