I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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