i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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