If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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