It's Friday. Sex?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
