I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
