So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
