so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think my vagina is haunted
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
