Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
