i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
