so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
