grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
