I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
