pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
