We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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