it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
