I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
