dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Drunk is a universal language darling
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
