If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
