Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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