May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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