I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
