I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize