my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
