ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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