just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
