Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
