how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dick very happy bro
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
