Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
