I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize