I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
