i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
