Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
