just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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