I love black thongs
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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