yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They took my balls.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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