My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
