...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
