I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
