I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize