Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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