The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
is wine microwaveable?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
