my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
