I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
